The Grim Look May Grin

I'm sorry if you disagree, but I have come to a certain controversial conclusion that I contend to: Most of what we say is bullshit. This blog, for example-- although it is attempting to reach out and grasp something important, much of the time it gets no where, and, unfortunately i must confess, is only an excuse to make noise with large words and disagreeable whining. And no one else is any better. We are preoccupied with complaints about the way we are living our lives; complaints we only have because we have layered purpose onto our lives to keep us going, and the purpose doesn't actually exist so the complaints are not actually relevant. In essence we are preoccupied with nothing, but we can't let it go. We have conversations that are built up by these preoccupations. Well, they aren't actually conversations, for we only react to one another-- reactions that do not even speak to what the conversation is actually about, that speak only to our useless complaints. 

I realized that many of my conversations are formatted in this way, and I was overwhelmed with frustration that, even with my closest friends, often nothing is said. I then realized that what separates my close friends from all my acquaintances is a portion of time that we actually do say things. Although 95% of the time we spew crap from our mouths, attempt at humor, create inside jokes that are never funny but create a false sense of a close relationship, and hardly listen to one another; although so much time is taken up with us pretending to connect, there is still a portion of time that is truly meaningful. 5% of the time we have conversations that give us energy , we laugh-- not because we are trying to find something funny, but because we are both appreciating a natural humor, and we express ourselves in ways that don't make us depend on one another so that we have an ear to listen to our noise, but make us sincerely appreciate one another. 

You might take what I said above as cynical or depressing, but- actually- when I realized this I felt relieved. Because relationships are not pointless. Because it is possible to simply love someone without needing them or owning them. Because life sometimes feels enjoyable rather than productive, I am alright with it often being shallow. Maybe it is even necessary for us to not really get one another all the time, for friends to feel disconnected, and for individuals to feel alienated. Maybe we need the contrast in order to appreciate what we have. (that was not at all cliché)

I don't know if you have noticed what I have written about above in your life, or if you even agree, but I really think that every individual who makes up humanity need to step back at times and:

1.  question the importance of the aspects of their life that they obsess over.
   
2.  notice whether or not they actually know themselves
   
3.  notice whether or not the people close to them actually knows who they are (deeply) 
   
4.  attempt to create deeper relationships, and, for at least 5% of the time they spend with the people they consider to be close to, stop pretending. don't try to be funny, or interesting, or serious, or smart,and don't whine. Only be expressive, and intake what is expressed; get energy from this, this is psychological sustainment. Enjoy it! I really don't think there is anything more important in our lives then that.